Another Christmas over (Praise God)

So what's that old saying? You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family? Yeah. My friends are amazing, I said that a few posts ago. My family are wonderful too, and I really missed them while I was away in London.

My mum has a very big family, she's one of NINE children, and they're all married and have kids, it's a huge crowd. I remember when we used to all get together we would say that it was 'the family... and the hangers on'! (Ie the inlaws and etc random people) Just as a joke, no offence meant, as we all loved everyone and it was all great. But today - well today, I had a few problems with the hangers on who came round for Christmas lunch. And inspite of me trying every freaking trick I knew to be nice to people and to keep smiling and be happy and not let other people's negativity and rudeness get to me, it really ended up spoiling my day. There's only so much you can do, you know?

And then I go back to one of my previous posts and I remind myself what my faults are, (you can read it too) and I try to remind myself that I might not be a dream to get along with also, so I keep second-guessing everything I say, and trying to remember that not everyone's love language is words so possibly they don't realise how they are hurting me, and maybe they have parents that were like that so they think that acting like that is okay, and possibly I'm being overly sensitive in expecting them to be making an effort to be nice to me, and trying to also just get over myself so that I don't let it hurt me that these people have no interest in being friendly to me or making me smile, but still trying to smile anyway because in a way they are family and isn't family what Christmas is about, and thinking that if I just smile it off again and don't make a scene about it the day will go much more smoothly for everyone else, but then if they don't care how I feel why should I be caring for how they are feeling...?

It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I thought Christmas was also supposed to be about fun. Am I the only one who thinks it's important to make sure that people around me are having fun? Where are the people who are making sure that I'm having fun? I felt lonely, sad and frustrated today. I hope I did the best I can.

Two bible verses that I saved on my mobile phone have kept me afloat today. Kept me from totally losing my cool and telling a few people what I think of their stinky Christmas attitudes! I kept grabbing my mobile and reading them whenever I started to feel a bit shaky!

Isaiah 41.10: 'Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my glorious right hand.'

Psalm 5.12: 'Let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Protect them, so that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord, surrounding them with your shield of love.'

Last Christmas I felt totally surrounded with a shield of love. In fact, while I was with my beautiful church friends in London I always felt surrounded by a shield of love, I think that's a beautiful way to put it. I so totally believe that we're here to make other people feel good. I believe that in every interaction you have, you need to be asking yourself - what do I want to get out of this? Do I want to accomplish something for myself, or do I want the other person to walk away feeling happy? And the answer should always be 'make the other person feel happy!' Put a smile on their face!

I run into problems when I come up against other people who don't have the same attitude. But I guess the only way you ever grow is by coming up against problems. I really hope that I grew today.