Not so sweet anymore
Wow, did I ever underestimate the power of my sugar addiction! Honestly, I never really thought twice about how much sugary junk I eat. It's a bit like panadol I think (go with me here). A few years ago I remember having a really bad headache, and my reflex when I had a headache used to always be to take 2 panadol. So I did, and it didn't go away, so I remember having a few more over the course of the day/night. By the time I finally made it home after a long day with a long headache, my flatmates were really worried about me. I was totally pale, I nearly passed out before I could make it to my room, I had a really bad nosebleed that wouldn't stop, and one of them finally asked me "How many panadol did you have today?" When I added it all up, I had taken about 12 or 14 without realising. This is not good! But it was just such a reflexive response, headache = 2 panadol, that I hadn't realised that actually it was possibly the panadol that were contributing to me feeling so bad.
(I try not to take them anymore by the way, I learned that lesson!)
But now my reflex is: feeling bad = eat something sugary. This is also not good. I never realised how strong this reflex was until the past 2 weeks while I've been trying to control the amount of sugar I eat! So when I'm feeling bad (tired, sleepy, grouchy) I want to have something sugary, but can't. But currently - bad is equalling headaches, grouchiness, dizziness, I'm getting edgy and jumpy, it's a lot worse than I thought it would be. I really, really want to eat something that will instantly make me feel better, but I won't! I will not let the sugar win! This means that the bad mood stays there. And gets inflicted upon those around me. This has resulted in some bad behaviour, for which I am sorry! Yesterday I was in such a bad mood at work that I got sent for a ten minute time-out! I went and sat by the pool, put my feet in the water, and calmed down.
I used to be cookie monster, now I'm becoming Oscar the grouch!
Sarah has a theory (disclaimer: maybe she just told me about this theory, she might not actually support it) that who you are when you are tired is your real self. This does not say good things about me! I tend to get a bit impatient when I'm tired, and also mostly indecisive. (Mostly indecisive, that's hilarious - how can you be mostly indecisive?! That's a great example of me being tired when I'm writing this because I got up so early, and not even being able to commit to an adjective without qualifying it! Totally indecisive!) I'd like to put out a statement that who I am without sugar is NOT my true self! I'll get better, I swear! I am a naturally sweet person deep down, honestly, honestly I am :-)
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
Philip K. Dick
(1928 - 1982) Valis
The world has gone crazy and taken me with it. It is entirely not the other way around.
(Just humour me for a little while!)
3 comments:
Ok.. In my support.. I wasn't really talking about when you are just tired.. but more when you are woken up in the middle of the night and haven't had a chance to put on the good nature yet.
Like the other night, I got a call from someone who just wanted to tell me that they were ok, and that I shouldn't worry about them. I wasn't worried. I was asleep. I asked if they were hurt, dying, injured, in need of help.. and as they were not, so I went back to sleep.
Normally, during the day, I would have been a lot nicer about that call. Might even have appreciated it :-)
Wowsers.... isn't it funny that something so insidious as sugar, which by the way comes from green sticks (which by-the-way harbour rats + snakes as the green sticks grow)can be so addictive. I'm off coffee at the moment... and it is not pretty. I am trying very hard to stay nice to people. Keep at it my friend... You can do it.
Have you tried eating fruit instead? Very good for you and with natural sugars that are still sugars, true, but in a better sort of way. Plus the benefits of eating fruit far outweigh the amount of sugar! If you ate that at 3.30 it would get you through the day. How about strawberries? Or stewed apple? Or kiwifruit? Or delicious natural yoghurt which is quite sweet anyway?
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