Saturday, December 08, 2007

I am

I am tired.
I am staying up late to blog.
I am spending too much time on my computer now that I have it in my room.
I am letting my room get too messy.
I am grumpier when my room is messy.
I am finding it easier to say things to the internet than to the people I need to say them to.
I am sorry I haven't given you back your DVDs.
I am sorry I haven't called.
I am sorry I didn't organise for us to meet up sooner.
I am sorry I sent you a text instead of calling.
I am sorry I am not communicating with you properly.
I am aware that it looks like I'm avoiding you.
I am, in fact, avoiding you.
I am intimidated by you, your manner, and the person you work for.
I am sorry that I'm not leading.
I am aware that I'm letting you down.
I am not doing my best.
I am too hard on myself sometimes, but at the same time I am not hard enough.
I am such a fan.
I am really wanting to help you.
I am wondering why you never let me help you, and maybe you wish I would leave you alone?
I am reminding myself not to get too paranoid.
I am really grateful for all the training you're giving me.
I am learning a lot from you.
I am reminding myself not to assume that I already know how to do it, and to value your input and critiques.
I am loving the view from my new office.
I am glorying in being able to spend more time in the city.
I am mega busy this month.
I am letting too many things slip this month.
I am overwhelmed with all that I'm asking of myself.
I am sick at the thought of my to-do list.
I am sorry I'm not as organised as you, I know it looks like I don't care and that's so far from the truth.
I am wishing I could be a better friend to you somehow.
I am not enjoying this Christmas so far.
I am worried about your relationship, again.
I am tired of the unstability, please choose soon.
I am sorry I can't visit you more, I wish we lived closer.
I am defining myself by our relationship.
I am not as reliable as I'd like to be.
I am more of an attention seeker than you think.
I am shyer than you know.
I am angry at your lack of respect.
I am trying not to be so hypocritical.
I am harder on myself than you could ever be.
I am blessing your little cotton socks now.
I am hooked on the instant gratification of facebook, the fact that it proves that there are 430 people in the world who know I exist, and I can give you their names.
I am a friend of God.
I am letting you down, by not telling you just how much God loves you, and how he aches to know you.
I am pressed down and shaken together.
I am wearing a lot of pink, most of the time.
I am planning on getting my fringe cut.
I am in love.
I am so in love.
I am not going to ask you.
I am not going to tell you.
I am hoping you will ask me.
I am loving how much you tell me.
I am anticipating greatness from you.
I am not waiting for the happily ever after anymore, it's found me already.
I am listening to whispers in the powder room.
I am forgiving, as I have been forgiven much.
I am the best sister I know how to be.
I am a locked room in a tall tower.
I am making my own way there.
I am rocking the suburbs.
I am never enough.
I am not forgotten.
I am sorry.
I am trying.
I am human.
I am me.