Saturday, January 28, 2006

Thank you! Thank you!

Okay, so here goes the Blog Challenge Round 1. "To write an Award acceptance speech."

"Wow, wow, I'm so speechless! I can't believe that I really... wow, this is just amazing, thank you so much! I honestly wasn't expecting this, I don't have anything prepared..." (pulls out a huge piece of paper from cleavage, leaving cleavage noticeably lessened) "execpt this short list of people without whom I never would have gotten this far! I'd like to say a big thank you, firstly, for the judges, for having the foresight to see that I was clearly the most talented person in the running for this award. Your perception and recognition is amazing, and I congratulate you on that!"
"Oh, wow, this is just so... wow, it's unbelievable! Who would have ever thought!"
"I'd like to thank the designer who made my dress, for having the brilliance and wisdom to be able to design a dress that complements my amazing figure and actually enhances my beauty instead of detracting from it - you are a true genius and I love you so much!"
"Of course I have to thank the make up people, the lighting technicians and the cameramen tonight - who have made me look so beautiful, you are truely wonderful and I know that this will be a night that you will remember forever, having the honour to make me look so hot, thank you thank you!"
*whistles from backstage, scattered applause from the crowd*
"I'd like to thank the runners up, for just not being as good as me - you gave it your best and you fell short, but God bless you for that my friends, God bless you."
"But most of all, I have to thank you, the audience, my peers, without you I would have no one to show off in front off, no one to gloat to, well - there'd be nobody to beat would there!"
*jeers and booing*
"So thank you, thank you all for being here on this night, this important night! I'll be out the back signing autographs in just a few moments, you can all form a bit of a queue and I promise I'll sign them all! Unless I get bored, maybe actually the important people should come up the front of the queue, could you do that? Thank you! Thank you so much! I love you all!"
*tomatoes thrown onstage, Amy hauled offstage sharpish*

The world has gone crazy....

and is taking me with it.... random stories from my life....

* I catch the bus to work and back every day, and I love watching how when the bus drivers pass each other they give each other a little nod or wave. These crazy bus drivers on my work route actually stick their tongues out at each other and pull silly faces. I love that even more!

* I saw a little park called 'Jinkers Green'. That made me chuckle.

* The other day my bus driver offered to take the bus through McDonalds drive through if anyone was hungry. We weren't, so he kept drivng!

* Check out the nets around this trampoline. Sure it's safe - but how do you get in??

* I saw a man the other day wearing a singlet that said: 'Port Douglas Singlet Hire'

* I was shopping the other day and saw the most beautiful shoes - they were pink, and tall, and pointy, and had this beautiful little arrangement of crystals and beads and ribbons that hung down on one side and kind of dripped off the ankle. They were so delicious! I started thinking to myself 'I totally need shoes like that! They would be so practical! There's so many occasions I would need them for!' I picked up the shoes to look underneath to see how much they were, and there was a big sticker saying 'DREAM ON'. Fair enough, I thought, can't argue with the shoes. i put them down and moved on!

* I went for a walk the other day and suddenly saw a little boy on a bike coming towards me. I moved to my left, he swerved to his right! I then moved to my right, but he was already swerving to his left! I was confused, so I stopped still in the middle! He was confused too, he tried to stop, but I think he forgot to put his feet on the ground, because slowly, slowly, he totally toppled over onto the ground, shooting me a dirty look the whole way!

* I saw the best idea ever a while ago - serviettes to use at your bbq, in a tissue box! You just pull them right out like tissues! Marvellous!

* One bus driver (Barry) loves opera music, and always pumps the volume when it comes on the radio. He told me that he loves listening to opera on the ABC in the mornings, but doesn't like listening to ABC in the afternoons as it 'gets too highbrow'. (As opposed to opera which isn't highbrow at all??!)

* Another bus story - I saw a 5cent coin on the window ledge and decided to pick it up.... and it was glued on! A salute to someone who bothers to carry around 5cent coins and superglue to set up a trick that they'll never see pay off! Brilliant!

* We had a fancy dress day at work for Australia Day. One of the boys from the warehouse wore Australia undies over the top of his trousers, an Australian flag as a cape, and was riding a blow-up kangaroo all day. He kept jumping around yelling 'Hop hop and awaaaayyyy!!!'

Yep the world is a crazy place, and it's funny how I'm fitting in so perfectly... ;-)

Firewalls... cursed firewalls....

Sorry for the lack of posts of late. There is a mightily powerful firewall at work that means I can't access my blog! I don't have a computer at home now that I've moved to the Cottage full time - although I'm thinking of buying one. I'm now blogging at *sob* a public library! Oh how the proud have fallen!
Work is going great, I'm really liking it there - much more than I thought I would! We had an Australia day party on Wednesday - a spit roast, free wine and beers, Sara Lee desserts... can't argue with that! Thursday was a public holiday so we weren't at work, and then on Friday - one girl from my office was on holidays and one called in sick, so there were just two of us, with twice the amount of work due to the public holiday - BAM - welcome back! We didn't stop all day, no lunch, no coffee break, no anything!
Speaking of coffee breaks - there's this other excellent thing about work that I've been dying to tell you all! So we're not really very close to any food shops, which I was worried about when I first started - that I would keep forgetting to bring my lunch and I would have to starve! Listen to how beautifully I was proven wrong...

About 10am each day, we get a phone call saying 'the Coffee Lady is here!' and it's this lady with a van, with a big proper coffee machine in the back! She pulls up just outside the office door and everyone lines up to get their cappucinos and hot chocolates (no froth!). She opens the sliding door in the van and there's a little bar fridge with cold drinks, banana bread, sandwiches. She has a little hot oven in the back with sausage rolls and quiches... how marvellous is that!

And then around 11.00 one of the guys from the warehouse will come up and shout 'the Chinese Man is here!' and, sure enough, there's a man with another van, and it's full of those big styrofoam catering boxes - and they have all these boxes of hot chinese food that he's cooked up in his shop! He has noodles and stir-frys and omelettes and spring rolls and all sorts of goodies!

And then at about 11.30 we hear one of those novelty horns, and we get an email saying 'If anyone is still hungry, the snack truck is here!' and we look outside and there's the Snack Truck lady with (not just a van!) a whole TRUCK full of goodies! Sandwiches and foccacias and pies and salads and drinks and chocolates and just about anything you could wish for.

So I've forgotten my lunch a couple of times - funnily enough I was totally fine :-)

(And have I mentioned lately that there is a pool out the back? Yeah, just thought I'd bring that up again!)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

I Am A New Creation

"I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do/
But I continue learning, I never meant to say those things to you/
And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know/
I've found out a reason for me to change who I used to be/
A reason to start over new, and the reason is You"
'The Reason' Hoobastank

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5.17

Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
John 3.3

"The Spirit of the LORD will come upon you in power, and you will prophesy; and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you."
1 Samuel 10.6-7

"And why have I called you for this work? I called you by name when you did not know me. I am the LORD; there is no other God. I have prepared you, even though you do not know me."
Isaiah 45.2-5

Then Job replied to the LORD:
"I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, `Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me.
"You said, `Listen and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.'
"I had heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I repent that I ever doubted your glory."
Job 42.1-5

Friday, January 13, 2006

What's in my handbag?

Items in my lovely black leather TK Maxx handbag this week:

• Candy check Burberry wallet
• Nokia 6230
• Nokia charger
• Bodyshop lipstain
• Chi Chi popgloss
• Chi Chi lip lacquer wand in 'Man Eater'
• Temple Spa 'All Talk' lip moisturiser
• No7 pressed powder compact
• 5 x band-aids
• 2005/2006 Debenhams mid-year diary
• $1 Boost Juice voucher
• glasses + cleaning cloth in glasses case
• 2 x Hillsong London blue pens
• 1 black pen
• Sally Hansen 'Double Duty' nail strengthener
• Dorothy Perkins sunglasses
• Coolmint flavour Listerine strips
• Mint flavoured Extra sugar free gum
• New Testament Message bible
• NLV metal case bible

(and would you believe, it's actually FULL now!)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

The hilariousness of wit, and snorting.

This made me laugh out loud! I even snorted. Sometimes when I'm concentrating too hard (I know this happens to other people as well) I snort. Don't laugh! Doesn't that happen to you too? Oh you lie, it does so. You know, you're concentrating really hard on something, or you're walking quite quickly, or you're speaking too fast - and your throat kind of closes up a little bit and all of a sudden, you've just snorted! And you feel a bit silly, but it's all right, because everyone does it, but then why are they all looking at me strangely? And why are they laughing? And pretending that they weren't looking at me? But still lauging? Bah, hypocrites, the lot of you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Shoes, and how they aren't always your friends.

I love pretty shoes. Anyone who knows me will be nodding their head and smiling right now - it's fairly widely acknowledged, I love pretty shoes. And, the thing is, they don't even have to be comfortable, as long as they are pretty. I can make a lot of sacrifices for an exquisite pair of shoes. (Cast your mind back to my NYE post and me sprinting down the main street of Newcastle in death-defying cork platforms) But last week I really think I reached my limit. I've always loved shoes, but I think I finally reached a point where those darn shoes didnt love me back. In fact, they were openly hostile. The little buggers.

Let me start properly.

So when I was working at CPW I needed some 'corporate' shoes. And as any girl worth her power-dressing salt will tell you, for a girl, corporate means pointy. I was on a bit of a budget, so I went to Marks & Spencer. (Don't judge me, they actually have great shoes there!) I got some beautiful, beautiful black shoes. Pointy, high, a cute little silver buckle - everything I was looking for and at the perfect price. Alright, so they were a little high, and maybe my toes were a little squashed, but they looked great with a skirt, fab with trousers, they dressed up jeans, went perfectly with my work clothes, matched my new TK Maxx handbag - so what were a few blisters or sore toes? You mainly sit down at your desk all day at work anyway, so what's the problem?

Well, yes, until one day I wore them all day to a friends wedding, had to stand up all day and came home with two toes totally numb. That was in August last year and there are still spots on those toes with no feeling. No, I'm no kidding!

But focus people FOCUS! The important thing was that those shoes looked great on me! So when I started my new job last month, what do you think I had to wear? No question really. I wore the beautiful black M&S pointers. Which was fine! It was just fine... until... (you knew it was coming right? I'm no good at building suspense) last Wednesday. So it was the day before my first paycheck went into the bank, and I was broke. I had $4 on me, which was enough for me to get home from work that day, and get to work the next day, after which I would be able to get money out as I would be filthy rich after the first paycheck (it always feels like that doesn't it?!).

But, for several not very interesting reasons, I missed the bus. And there wasn't any more buses going back to my house. Don't start me on the stupidity of Sydney public transport - let's just smile and shake our heads and accept the fact that there weren't any more buses going in that direction, and move on. So I could have gotten a bus to Chatswood train station, and then the train from Chatswood to Lindfield, which would have been at least 4 times longer but still would have gotten me there - BUT there was not enough money for those sort of public transport shenanigans. There was not enough battery on my phone to call Shelley and ask her to pick me up so the only choice remained: to walk. It only took 10 minutes to drive, surely it couldn't be that long to walk?

(F/X: dramatic chord) FAMOUS LAST WORDS!!

Before I had even been walking for 5 minutes my feet were hurting. Luckily those two toes were already blessedly numb, but there were still another 8 un-numb toes shouting at me that this was not a good plan and they wanted out of these stupid shoes and into a foot spa. I had to cross a huge intersection, and somehow ended up on the side of the road that had no path. So I'm stumbling along in business attire by the side of the road, my heels are sinking into the dirt at every step, my shoes are filling with dirt and other irritants, it's so cursedly hot and my hair is going everywhere and I'm sweating bucketloads... yeah, not real glam!

I then had to walk down a road called Lady Game Drive, which, when you're driving, is a really nice drive. There's a big rock face on one side, and a pretty drop on the other side, looking out over a huge bush reserve. But when you're actually walking down it, all of a sudden you notice that there actually isn't much space either between the road and the rock face, or the road and the scarily steep drop down to the reserve. And so the adventure began. I was making the most of wherever I found a bit of a space, practically spreadeagling myself against the rock while the cars went past, checking to see if there were any more cars coming, scuttling out onto the road and doing a very strange cross between a power walk and a hobble along to the next clear spot, etc. etc. Picture this continuing for an hour and a half. Yes, you read that right - an HOUR AND A HALF. Let me tell you, I had some interesting conversations with God during that time. Mostly along the lines of "Oh God please don't let me die, Almighty Lord please don't let a car hit me, Oh Heavenly Father please make my feet stop hurting, Lord Jesus please let this be over soon..."

And the shoes? Well, the shoes. To say that my feet were hurting would be the understatement of the year. They were baking, they were burning, they were blistering, they were bleeding. The little rubber stoppers on the heels wore off or fell off, so the heels were now just little metal spikes, which provide NO shock resistance, jarred my ankles with every step, and kept sinking into the dirt which slowed me down and made my calves hurt even more. My toes were jammed down into the wicked little pointy front bit. The stones and dirt that had gotten into the shoes were grinding into my feet at every step.

When I got home (still alive PRAISE GOD) the first thing I did was take those shoes off and THROW THEM AWAY. The ungrateful little blighters! I'd loved them! Taken photos of them! Defended them to others! Encouraged others to go buy them! And this is how they repaid me? Almost crippling me? Well, I exclaimed, THAT'S IT!! ENOUGH!! NO MORE!! Nobody makes a sucker out of ME twice!! No more hurty shoes! They have absolutely no loyalty! They just take and take and take! They might look good but behind that beautiful pointy exterior lies a world of PAIN! And MISERY! And BLISTERS! BLISTERS DAMMIT!!

And so I wore my slippers to work for the rest of the week.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Earcandy - happily no integrity

I'm busy making an excellent car cd! Do you know what a car cd is? Well, I'm sure you've all heard of car songs, right? Songs where, when you hear them you just have an uncontrollable urge to pump the volume and really belt it out, singing at the top of your lungs! Most often heard when you're in the car, and best experienced by yourself with the windows up (preferably on the freeway). And a car cd is a WHOLE BEAUTIFUL CD of those songs! How cool is that! I know, right! So making a car cd often turns out to be a very noisy process.

"And the reason is YOUUUUUUUUUUU"
"Just because...I'm in love...with an UPTOWN GIIII-IIIRRRRRLLLLLL"

Ahem... I think you get the picture ;-) So my car cds are called Earcandy - because I don't worry whether the songs actually have any integrity or not (I've got Manu Chao next to Britney Spears next to the Everly Brothers next to Otis Redding) it's just a bit like junk food for your ears! I'm up to Earcandy vol III now, and still no signs of running out of songs!


"Teardropppps on the dancefloor - reMINDS ME BABY OF YOU!"
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the bar and DAMN RIGHT it's BETTER THAN YOURS!!"
"So puh-LEEEEEEEEEASE baaaaayyy-bbbeeeeeeee puh-leeeeeeeease, open your HEAAAAAAARRRRRRT..."

(Did I mention that the thing about car songs is that it doesn't matter how wrong you get the lyrics, as long as you keep the volume UP and sing as loudly as possible? Very important to remember that!)

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Welcome 2006!

Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for me!
What joy!
You restore my fortunes, LORD, as streams revitalise the desert.
Though I may have planted in tears, I will harvest with
shouts of joy.
I may have wept as I went to plant my seed,
but I will sing as I return with the harvest!
Psalm 126.3-6 (NLV paraphrased)