A belated Happy Christmas

And a happy New Year!

(Thanks to Engrish)

Names I have been called this week

Naomi
Eileen
Aileen
Haley
Demi
Emma
Jamie
Shelley
Ammi (that one came on a fax)
Aimee (by email)


It's a great name, it's only a little name, got to be one of the easiest names around! How can it be this hard!!

OH MY GOODNESS

No, no, it's not nice. Not nice at all.

I feel sick.

This is to blame. And this.

What a world, what a world.

My workmates have suggested that this is why my diet is so adequate, and that clearly I am getting enough protein through sources that I hadn't realised. Is nothing bloody well sacred anymore?

Special Guest Star: post from my dad

Hi Amy, I’ve had a ‘just ducky’ week.
They cut my throat on Monday which was horrific! It was in a hospital which made it a little less horrific. Thankfully before they cut my throat they gave me needles … which was more horrific.
Which part don't I want to talk about first?

After I got out of surgery (throat cutting – thyroid lobectomy)
I was doped up for a while with a drip in the arm (big straw-sized needle which is held in there with duct tape). I was still in pain during the night so a nurse (who I thought was a great humanitarian a few hours previously) came in and jabbed a pethedine tipped harpoon into my thigh. Just "BANG" like that. I can still feel the force and hear the prick of it busting my skin.

Now that knocked out the pain but foolishly, later on when I was still having pain and sat up sweating, coughing and woozy, I rang the nurse button again.

Guess what! She did it again! No 'there'll be a slight pain' .... she just walked around the other side of the bed and WHOOFA!



I think at that stage I threw the nurse call button out the window and hit myself over the head.
Well that was Monday!

I'll save Tuesday until a little later as I'm breaking out into a sweat thinking about it.
How has your week been?
regards,
Dad

Hi again,
I think I have recovered enough to tell you about Tuesday.

I was quick out of bed on Tuesday morning, the doctor came round and gave me the okay to go home. I wasn’t going to argue with that as I was looking forward to a needle-free day.
I felt pretty good at home until around 6 in the evening. I was having a little difficulty swallowing, and breathing wasn’t as easy as I would have liked so Meg rang Wyong Casualty and they said to bring me in.

At the hospital they took me into a small room for observation and a lovely young nurse kneeled beside my bed, looked up at me with her relaxing blue eyes, stroked my arm and told me not to worry … ‘Let us do the worrying’ she said and proceeded to stick a needle in my left wrist. The first one didn’t go into the vein (I think my veins were running scared) so she went to my right wrist. The vein there chickened out as well so she went higher up. (This is the harpoon type needle I’m talking about – the one that stays in and they use for a drip entry) That one thankfully went in at the elbow as, I figure, my veins were exhausted and had run out of places to hide. They taped that on.


Oh dear... I was feeling woozy then and developing a great empathy for sieves.

Anyway to cut a long story short they admitted me through Casualty and I stayed that night for observation. Well I did plenty of observing!

I stayed awake and read Dan Brown’s Deception Point until 3:30 when I was almost certain I was safe from having my hide needled. After setting a number of booby traps around the bed I guess I must have dozed off for a couple of hours. When I awoke it was early morning so I took the sign I had written (NIL BY SKIN) off my forehead and sat up looking my wellest.

I was well pleased to get the drip needle out of my arm and the okay to go home again at around ten a.m.

Let me say that the health care in both private and public hospitals was excellent and I commend each and every nurse and doctor on the wonderful job they did in looking after my health.

But rest assured I won’t be getting sick EVER again. I certainly won’t be putting my skin through that level of care again. Not ever!

regards,
Dad

Thanksgiving

I just found out that it's Thanksgiving Day in the US today! I remember one year my dad called me and told me that he and some of his friends had had a Thanksgiving dinner, and he'd given thanks for me. I think it moved me to tears :-) (What a great dad!)

So this year I decided to make a list of things I'm thankful for. Anything you think I've forgotten that I should be thankful for? Leave me a comment! Anything that you're thankful for? Leave me a comment!

I'm thankful for...

• good doctors results for my thyroid tests
• a steady job with good pay
• great people in my department at work
• a beautiful Cottage to live in with my own beautiful room
• great friends around the world who post me presents and cards
• my wonderful family, both immediate and extended, and their great sense of humour
• all the fairy lights on sale at Christmas
• that I have confidence in my church
• free internet and access to my blog at work
• my diamond ring
• being able to spend time with my family now that I'm living in Australia
• the wonderful budget that Sarah helped me with which is helping me become debt free!
• the fact that both my parents are in committed and loving relationships
• that I can never do anything to make God love me any more, or any less than he already does
• that more of my brilliant friends and getting blogs, so that I can read their brilliance online
• that I'm getting lots of comments on my blog (okay that one is a thankful-in-anticipation!)

How about you?

Beta Blogger, it's a new adventure

So I converted to Beta Blogger last night - did you notice it looks a bit prettier around here today? (Say yes!) I've added a few more elements to the sidebar (please note careful use of blogger jargon) which I'm excited about. The list of books that I'm reading at the moment has gone - partly because I read so much that it was always hopelessly out of date, and partly because who's really interested in knowing what I'm reading? (Hello! If you are, send me an email and I'll give you a list)
I'm loving the 43 Things site lately too, so I've added my list onto the sidebar. It's a great site, check it out and feel free to start your own list! Reccomend something to me that you think I should do :-)
And how do you like my pretty new Clustr Map? Every unique person who clicks on my blog gets their own pretty red circle. The more people from a particular area that visit, the bigger the circle. Want one for your website? Just click here.

This has been a week undescribable by any adjective. (Thus named because I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of a word to sum up my week and could not find anything that would do it justice!) So let's summarise:

Monday:

• nearly passed out while giving blood
• had to dash up to the Central Coast after work to see my dad
• realised I was nearly out of petrol
• my credit card stopped working at the petrol station
• tried to call my bank for help but my phone stopped working
• nearly passed out again
• credit card mysteriously started working again
• phone mysteriously started working again
• went to visit my dad in hospital but he was asleep
• passed in the halls by a 80 year old streaker trying to escape from hospital (totally starkers)

Tuesday:

• huge hunstman in the shower at mum's place, nobody to rescue me
• picked up dad from hospital
• drove back to Sydney, then found out I'd left my phone charger at dad's house and my battery was nearly flat
• dad was readmitted to hopsital

Wednesday:

• big hairy spider in the shower at the Cottage, nobody to rescue me
• dad discharged from hospital again
• too traumatised by spider to have breakfast, forgot my lunch
• coffee lady didn't come to work, so starved all day
• stayed at work late to get work done that I missed on Tuesday
• got home late, starving, and ate all of Shelley's dinner that was in the fridge
• felt bad so decided to wait up til she got home to apologise in person
• she stayed out late, didn't get home til 23.45, and then told me that she'd left it for me anyway

Thursday:

• slept in due to late night
• big menacing cockroach in the shower, used a large bottle of TreSemme conditioner to RESCUE MYSELF as clearly nobody else would rescue me
• had an early meeting so forgot to have breakfast
• coffee lady didn't come to work, so starved all day

I'm waiting in anticipation to see what will be in the shower tomorrow... I can't even guess... maybe a frog...

Random Acts of Kindness: 7 day challenge

Last week some friends and I had a 7 day challenge. We had to do one random act of kindness every day. This was so much fun! It really made me nicer (for a week!) as I found I was really looking for opportunities to bless people without them asking.

Here's a list by day, of the random ways we made the world a bit nicer...

Mon:
"Gave chocolate at team night to loads of people around me"
"Made dinner for my mum"
"Couldn't think of anything kind that I did today so will have to do 2 things on Tuesday!"

Tues:
"Cleared up the kitchen for mum"
"Complimented the check out lady on her beautiful earrings"
"Gave someone from my connect a lift from the station without being asked. Hard to think of things isn't it!"
"Drove friend from work to shopping mall near my house so she could get a new phone then drove her home. This is fun!"
"Ironed my brother-in-law's work shirt this morning"


Wed:
"Last night I ran after a guy who walked past our shop with 4 cups of coffee to give him a bag to carry it cause his hands were burning"
"Stayed back at work for an hour and did my colleages filing. I'm getting the hang of this!"
"Spent 20 mins sorting out the photocopier at work. Photocopied a booklet for my colleagues which though they might find useful. Told a couple of ladies at the advice centre that I help at that they looked much younger than their age. They smiled!"
"I lent a book I was busy reading to the girl in the next shop"

Thu:
"Paid the toll for the car behind me on the way to Leadership Vision Night! That's my best one yet!"
"Cheered up the receptionist when I went to the dentist after she'd just dealt with an angry patient on the phone."
"Drove friend home from work at lunchtime so she could get her passport."
"Selflessly ate all the toffee that was left on the table at work so nobody would get a toothache, does that count??"

Fri:
"Prayed for a friend after being sounding board at work and took another friend home after the annual Hillsong rugby match"
"Let an old couple push in the queue at the airport in front of me!"
"I leant my bunny ears to a doctor for 'Wear It Pink' day!"
"Did the washing up for mum"
"Brought morning tea for my colleagues"
"I ran down to daycare, (about 30 metres away from outpatients where I was working, and pressed the red button on the Lobster that sings + dances to "Rock the boat baby". (I may have even borrowed the singing roses in a flower pot, and got a little kid to press the button.) (6 times)"

Sat:
"I spoke to a friend for 1 hour on the phone instead of getting ready for a party"
"Pulling faces for a friends daughter to make her laugh"
"Bought dinner for a friend"
"Told my sister something lovely that someone else had said about her (she cried with happiness!)"

Sun:
"Taking a friend to the movies as a birthday treat"
"Bought lunch for two friends!"
"Fed a hungry kookaburra (birds need kindness too!)"

I love the idea of making the world a kinder place!

Have you committed a random act of kindness? Post a comment.

US man gets trapped in chocolate

Oh yeah, the headline grabbed my attention! As a self confessed chocaholic, frankly I don't think I could imagine anything sweeter than swimming in chocolate!

US man gets trapped in chocolate

It may seem like heaven to some people, but for a US man, being trapped in a vat of chocolate wasn't so sweet.

No-one is quite sure how the 21-year-old man ended up in the giant container at a chocolate factory, but it took two hours to get him out.

Some reports suggest the man fell into the vat while others say he climbed in to sort out a problem.

Rescuers had to mix cocoa butter into the chocolate to make it thin enough to pull the man out of.

The unlucky man had to go to hospital after the incident, but he's okay now.
The local police chief in Wisconsin said the chocolate was "pretty thick" and admitted he'd never heard of anything quite like it.

You know my favourite part of this story?
The part where it took them 2 hours to get the 'unlucky' man out. 2 hours - well done mate! Can you imagine?
Rescuer: "Just grab onto this rope!"
Man: "Er... I can't quite reach... why don't you guys take a break and try again a bit later..."


You know it would take all day for anyone to get me out of a vat of chocolate...!

Mango gelato (I like it, but I'm not bothered if you don't)

It's SO HOT at work today. To be fair, it's probably hot everywhere, but it feels especially hot here because for some reason the air conditioning doesn't reach into our office. We had this same problem last year, and have resolved that if we see an air conditioning repair man in our office we may just kick him - not out of nastiness you understand, just to give him a bit more of an incentive to fix it for good this time so he doesn't have to come back again ;-)

Mango gelato - all gone!

So wonderful Julie went up to the shops at lunch and bought us back gelato! I got mango gelato. I never used to like mango, much to the total delight of my family (this meant more for them!) but I adore it now. Funny how your tastes change hey? But it's not like I used to find people who liked mango and try to convince them how bad it was. What would be the point of that? Live and let live I say. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I'm probably not ever going to change anyone's mind about anything. I remember an old saying - if someone talks you into something, you can be talked right back out of it. Too many people feel the need to force their own opinions onto others, which annoys me. Go opine on your own blog I say, no need to chase people down and shout the glories of your opinion into their ears. (Got that Lionfish?)

In that spirit, I've had to put comment moderation on, sadly. Hope I dont run into the same trouble as Sarah did, but I'll try to keep on top of it!

Real bling!

Last weekend my mum gave me her engagement ring! OMG! This is Very Exciting, as it means that I now own diamonds! It's a beautiful ring, 3 sparkly diamonds and 2 beautiful sapphires in white gold. I haven't taken it off since she gave it to me - I've even been wearing it to bed! My dad gave it to her 34 years ago. (She's remarried now, so has since gotten a new sparkler!)

Actually with all the clearing out that's going on at mums place ahead of her big move to Lord Howe Island - I've gotten a few interesting things to store at the Cottage. I also now have my mum's wedding dress, some ancient rollerblades, my grandma's ball gown, a lace table cloth my mum got as an engagement present, about fifty flannellette sheet sets and my towering cork shoes of death (photo of cork shoes of death to come soon). My room is so full of stuff. There's stuff everywhere. Stuff stacked in boxes in the cupboard. Stuff on top of the wardrobe. Stuff stuff stuff. (Glorious stuff)

Real bling y'all!

This post also highlights the difficulty in taking a picture of a ring that I wear on my right hand, when I own a right handed camera.

(Yes, it's a right handed camera! The button you press is on the right hand side, and my hands aren't big enough to press it with my left and still look at the screen.)

So finally I have some real bling! And I think it's about time too! I'm thnking of getting it remodelled one day when I have some spare cash *cough* and I'm not holding my breath for THAT blessed day! I feel so special, thinking that 34 years ago my dad bought this ring to show the girl he loved how special she was to him, and that for 25 years my mum looked at this ring on her hand every second minute (just like I do) and felt loved (just like I do!).

Abandoned blogs!

There used to be an abandoned house near my sisters house, we called it the derelict house. It was pretty sad - junk all over the front porch, overgrown and neglected lawn, the whole house looked sad and lonely. There's not much sadder than a broken-down old abandoned house. Except for perhaps, a lonely old abandoned blog! Where is everyone lately? It's feeling very quiet in the blogosphere!

I was checking out this site today, and I came across this slang term, which might go some way to explaining why nobody is blogging lately:

backblog: (n,v) Overflow of incidents you intend to write about on your weblog/diary. Example: I've been meaning to write about my last five dates, but I have to work through my backblog.

Er, so yes, I sometimes read slang dictionaries online... doesn't everyone? Didn't everyone use to read the dictionary when they were little to find out if there were any words they didn't know? I love learning, whenever I get a spare moment online I love to google things I don't know much about (or go to the wik) just for the pleasure of being more knowledgeable. You know that old saying 'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.' Well I reckon that's relevant in some way here. Google something for someone and they'll have one question answered, teach them to google for themselves and they'll totally stop bugging you.

Or something...

And now, some random photos I liked

Do you remember when you first heard that they were making mobile phones with cameras in them? Oh how we laughed! "What would you need a camera in a phone for?" we cried! "How could it even fit?" we chuckled! Actually I remember, back in the day, when I was selling phones at Testra people were incredulous about a phone that had a built in calculator (never mind a vibra-alert for heavens sake!).

Well God bless those inovating souls at Nokia I say. I have the very beautiful Nokia 6230 with built in camera. This means that whenever I see something funny or random I can take a picture immediately. It certainly makes my stories a lot more credulous.

Here's a small pinch of some of the random glory I've collected with my precious little Nokia...

Ugh thongs - the perfect footwear for in-between seasons...

A shop at Castle Towers I liked the name of (do you think it's pronounced 'cu-tay'?) (That's sassy!)

Taken the 2nd night I got back from London. Very jet-lagged and awake at 3am trying to amuse myself (and totally succeeding)

Bowling for grown-ups! Striker bowling at the Entertainment Quarter in Sydney

Some call them crocs, I call them Ugly Shoes. But when gathered en masse they look suprisingly pretty, no?

It was, in fact, the doorway to a bargain basement shoe shop, that actually held nothing of interest at all. But a good technique I thought.

Spotted on Lane Cove road on the way to work. I hadn't had any breakfast, so I honked him. I didn't get any food.

Funny, it looks quite calm... (that never ceases to make me laugh!)

English Wedding!

Ahh I love weddings! My very very good friend Debs married her sweetheart Neil last week. For some unknown reason they decided to have the wedding in London instead of Australia (possibly because they both LIVE in London, but still - I think they could have taken me into account) so I didn't get to go. But thanks to my wonderful girlfriends Jenny and Mish for sending me photos.

Beautiful dress, beautiful couple, beautiful greenery...

Who would settle for just ONE wedding cake these days darling?

The fabulously, fabulously talented Mish made the cakes. Can you believe that an ordinary mortal person made these deliciously-looking pieces of heaven? She has a real talent! (I'm like a proud mum!)

It sometimes feels hard having dear friends who live in different countries, I miss getting to be with them - not just for big events either, I miss out on really doing life with people who I love. A PE teacher told me once (don't stop me if this isn't right) that when you exercise your muscles get lots of tiny tears in them, and it's while rebuilding these tears that your muscle grows bigger. I sometimes think that that's the way it is with hearts - the more it tears, the bigger it gets a chance to grow. Right now I think my heart is ENORMOUS! Luckily I serve a big God, who is Almighty and totally capable of healing torn hearts :-)

So congratulations my wonderful friends! From a playdate in Ikea 2 years ago to a romantic English wedding, HIP HIP HOORAY!

Summerland Kings shout out

Got a second or two? Do yourself another favour and check out the Summerland Kings site - the hottest band around town!

You can even hear a clip of one of their best known songs 'Too much bourbon and not enough coke'. (It's an instant classic!)

Yes, okay, it's my dad's band! I think they're pretty rocking, even if they do foray into doing *cough* country *cough* music every now and then.

The fellas in the band like to play a few different instruments. For them ‘to get the trifecta up’ means playing three instruments in one night at a gig.
Witness for yourself the harp playing, conga & vocal ability of ‘Uncle’ Bob Morton (son of the great ‘Tex’ Morton).
Enjoy the keyboard magic and vocal skill of the one and only Trevor ‘BIG BOSS MAN’ Norman.
Hear the licks, riffs, slides and bends in the howling and haunting melodic playing of
Ian ‘SMOKEY ‘Armfield.
Walk the bass lines, hear the rhythm guitar and enjoy the percussion from that master bassman Terry ‘TEZZ’ Carlan.
Laying down the funkiest of beats is the drummer (soon to be bass playing) Gordon ‘SKIPPER’ Schubert.
John ‘BUCKO’ Penn plays guitar, bass and drums to round out this unit.

Postsecret and other worthy time wasting ideas

Have you bookmarked this site yet? Do yourself a favour! It's updated every Sunday and is worth looking at every week. I bought the first book, it cost a LOT but is so entirely worth it. I'm holding my breath for the 2nd and 3rd books too now.

This was up there today, so classic.

I can't say that I've never done that before :-)

We played a very juvenile but entirely hilarious game at work the other day. (my idea, they're always my idea) What happens is, at the end of every sentence you need to add on the end 'without my pants'. It's so silly without my pants! We were all laughing so much without our pants!

Right, best to stop that one right there I think! You get the picture, it's so silly but wholly and completely hilarious...

I remember reading an excellent game in TNT magazine once (TNT how I miss thee!) which was challenging, a lot harder than you would think. You basically just refer to yourself in the third person all the time. Amy actually found this quite hard. Amy ended up feeling like a bit of a tosser - especially when she was speaking out loud in front of people who didn't know what she was doing. Amy definitely recommends you giving it a shot yourself! Let her know how it goes if you do :-)

Princesses forever!

OMG I had the best weekend! I got loads of great pictures and have been dying to get to a computer to blog and tell you all about it! Can I set the scene first though? Do you remember this post?

On Monday Shelley, Mish and I were at Darling Harbour, and we went to the Chinese Friendship Gardens - which I've been dying to go to for ages. They are beautiful sculptured, maincured gardens, with a stunning waterfall, and a tranquil lake with giant koi, rogue turtles, funny temple-like buildings and beautiful plants everywhere.

And they made me be a Ming princess.

No, really. It was so cool!There's a part where you can get dressed up in costumes like Chinese royalty would have worn, and you can use your own camera to take pictures of yourself around the gardens. You need to pay to ake the pictures, and sadly, being a few days before pay day I did not have the cashola to get the pictures done. And I explained this to the man as he asked if I'd like to be dressed up. I explained it to him again as he tied a long white skirt around my waist. I tried mumbling it again as he put a beautiful blue kimono on and gave me a fan to hold. I completely shut up as he placed on my head the most ornate and spectacular head dress you have ever seen!

It had blue birds and dragons and huge pearls on sticks! It had tassels that came down past my waist! It had sparkles and diamantes and good gracious it was just the most amazing thing I've ever worn ever. I kind of floated over to the mirror and remained in a daze for some time! Princess! A Ming Princess! Like a beautiful dream come true. I smiled benificently at myself in the mirror.

The time came to take off the head dress, but I must confess that I've been mentally wearing it around ever since :-)

So (can you guess where this is going?!) on Saturday I met up with my beautiful girlfriend Jacx who is visiting from London, and where was there to go but to the Chinese Friendship Gardens to dress up like princesses! It was so surreal, but entirely beautiful!

We were dressed up (by a funny bossy man who I had to get a picture with also!) in the most beautiful finery, the headdress was even more beautiful than I remembered! I stood my ground this time and got to wear a pink robe (he tried to make me wear the blue one again!) and Jacx had a beautiful red one one. Her head dress was specifically for girls with dark hair (he told us) and looked great on her too.

Princess Jacx, Princess Amy and the funny bossy man

So we got to walk around the gardens (and they are beautiful gardens!) and take photos wherever we wanted. It was so divine. What is it about dressing up that brings sunshine into my soul?

I had actually had a pretty rough week last week, but running madly around this magical garden with my great friend, being silly and laughing and taking photos in beautiful costumes totally restored my heart.

Jacx is only in town for a few days more, my beautiful friend Jacx! It really did my heart good to see her. I know I've said it before, but it is such a blessing when you have friendships that are so strong that even when you don't see someone for a year you can still pick right up where you left off.

Amy-Lou Freebush and Jacxterama!

Not so sweet...

Last week it was fruit season at work. Randomly on one day our MD brought in a huuuuge box of home grown lemons, and one of my favourite Group Managers brought in a massive box of very large grapefruits.

I'd never had grapefruit before! I grabbed a couple and took them up to mum's place when I went up on the weekend. Mum was very excited, Gary proclaimed to all that he loved grapefruit, so we cut them up, and served them sprinkled with sugar.

They smelled so great! Everyone keeps saying how healthy they are for you! Before I show you the pictures, I want to say that I was so prepared to love grapefruits.

Honestly, I did try.






But to no avail. I'll pass on the grapefruit thanks, let's just have another slice of birthday cake.

Belated bling

You remember way back when, when it was my birthday? I know, it's been over a month but I only just got all my pics on cd. I had so many birthday celebrations that it turned into a birthday MONTH!

Now, let it be said that this is fine with me. I counted a total of 4 birthday cakes, and I think this is an admirable total. In fact next year I am to beat that and end up with at least 5. Maybe it could be a new trend, to add an extra cake every year? And you didn't think birthdays could be any more fun!!

Here's a few pics from a couple of the parties.

Birthday Krispys - oh the glory!

Jess and Amy at the 'Bling' partyof the century!

Bags of presents! Halleluiah!

Birthday cake and champers with Dad and Katy

Amy, Katy and Jess after a few too many birthday champers...

A few memorable birthday moments:

* Dad, Katy and Jess calling me after a few wines to make me shout out 'Hip Hip', not caring that I was on a train to Newcastle at the time and was getting funny looks from a few people from Toronto

* My wonderful connect group suprising me with a beautiful iPod nano!

* Finding out that the reason my cds were all over the house was because Filipo had been secretly uploading them onto the nano all week - what a champ!

* All of my department at work singing to me - bless you guys! And the fact that our department secretary actually went out of her way to find a pink birthday cake - hooray!

* The huge box of glory sent by Ms Barr, which was kept a secret by Ms Nash until the night of my bday! (She sent jaffa cakes! Oh the bounty!)

* The unexpectedly beautiful package sent by my wonderful girlfriend Mandy - with key-shirts people, key shirts!!

Thanks to all - I know I've mentioned that my love language is primarily gifts, I have to say that I felt truly and thoroughly loved! Ahhh!

Backstreet's back

Yes I'm still here! Sorry for stepping out of the blogosphere momentarily. (Momentarily you ask? It was over a month you exclaim indignantly! That's more than just a moment you shout! How dare you attempt to explain away your absence using words to fool us you demand! To which I reply, you'll take what you get and you'll be thankful for that!)

I actually don't have any excuse for my absence (whether brief or prolonged) other than to say that there are some VERY FUNNY people out there on the net! Here's a few hilarious places I've been hung up on recently.

The Adventures of Sez - the more people read her post from the 11/10 the more blackmail material we've got people!!
Don't Say I Never Told You - a link I've shamelessly pinched from Sez's blog, very very witty and I hang out for every new entry
Miss Doxie - where do these people find all this brilliance and wit??
Column 8 - I'm here every morning checking out my daily dose of Sydney funny
The Daily Truth - sometimes the comments are funnier than the blog post!
Amalah - the Queen of Everything
Snarkywood - not updated even nearly enough, pure evil genius
Go Fug Yourself - ooh, did I say that Snarkywood was evil?

So after being momentarily (yes, MOMENTARILY!) a bit despondent about how I could live up to the amount of fabulousness currently online, and how my little contribution could possibly garnish the already satisfactorily adorned face of the internet... I remembered that actually my blog isn't about impressing the pants off the world, I just like talking about myself. So everybody rock your body, cos Backstreet's back!

And the world said: ALRIGHT!

3 Years New

From an article on smh today: Professor Gordon Parker, the executive director of the Black Dog Institute at The Prince of Wales Hospital, Randwick, puts it this way: "When perfectionists get depressed, they are less likely to seek help, and have greater difficulty in surrendering control.

"The situation is a very poignant one, where an individual feels their self-esteem or standards have been impugned. They frequently move into black-and-white thinking - 'I've either got to solve the problem immediately or there's no way out' - but they don't tend to see a third option or fourth option, Professor Parker says.

"When they develop any suicidal ideation they are more at risk because they are beating up on themselves so much."

I can confess that I used to be a bit of a perfectionist myself actually. When I was in primary school I was (honestly) usually one of the smartest in my class. I found that when you were smart - teachers liked you, and other students wanted to be your friend. What a great deal!

We moved a lot when I was little. At one stage I had five schools in five years. Anyone remember how tough it is being the new kid? I started trying to get very smart, to try to impress the teachers and kids straight away so that I could fit in as quickly as possible. I very much built my self esteem on being 'that smart kid'.

But that didn't last forever. The next thing I tried was being 'that happy girl'. That one worked well! Lots of people want to be friends with the happy girl! As long as she's happy that is. I had a tough time in highschool hey? But I don't think that's unique to me, most people I speak to had a rough time in high school. People deal with things in all different ways. I dealt with things by hiding them. After all, who knows when you're going to have to make new friends again - and who wants to be friends with the sad new kid? The complicated kid?

I had smiley face earrings, smiley face pencil case, signed my signature with a Mr Happy... I was friends with everyone, didn't get offended when people were nasty to me, didn't cry when people made fun of me, invited the whole world to my birthday parties... but it was all just a front. A big front! On the outside I might have been smiley Amy the cheerful happy girl, but I was crying inside. I recently found my old diaries from high school and cried at the amount of hurt and pain I felt just reading through them. Sure I had friends, but how could I ever know if they really liked me? I knew (even if they didn't) that they didn't really know the real Amy, they just knew the front, the smile, the mask. If they knew the real me...

I thought about suicide a lot. A lot. I wrote about it in my diary, I researched it in the library and in newspapers (no internet back then), and listened to songs about it. I planned so many ways how it could be done. It frightens me deeply to think about how many times I came close to attempting to end my own life. I felt like things needed to be fixed, and fixed properly and immediately. The article I quoted above really resonated with me.

All through high school and then through uni I kept placing my identity, my sense of self-worth, on what other people thought of me. If they thought I was okay, well then maybe I was. If that boy liked me, then maybe I was likable. If that boy used me, then that meant I was valuable. If that boy dumped me, then that meant I was worthless - as I had sescretly suspected all along.

One of my good friends, a friend I considered very similar to me, with the same self-esteem views, changed all of a sudden. Her life changed. We'd been living together, and then when I moved out she started hanging out with our neighbours, and going to their church. She stopped seeing boys who were no good for her, settled down on a good job - the obvious outside things changed. But more than that, I saw her life really change. I saw her change inside, where it counts. All of a sudden she wasn't hurting anymore, she wasn't doubting herself anymore, she wasn't searching for validation anymore.

I wanted that.

I wanted an end to the loneliness that comes from hiding your true self and then mourning that nobody knows your true self. An end to the endless nights crying myself to sleep, and wondering how I could ever break out of this cycle of ups and downs, this all or nothing depression and bleakness. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm being needlessly dramatic here, I don't even know how to put enough emotion into these words to convey to you just how dead end my life felt at that time. My sense of value was placed on what other people thought of me, but they didn't know the real me, so in my deluded sadness I couldn't think that anyone would value me at all, and so I didn't value myself either.

I called my friend, and asked her how she had changed her life. Her answer was so simple and sounded so cliched that I think I laughed.
Her: "Jesus healed me."
I was so desperate for something to change that I decided to reach out to see if this would work.
Me: "Well, er... do you think it would work for me too?"

She took me to her church, and to be honest it didn't impress me. The pastor seemed to be saying stuff that any motivational speaker could have told me. The people put their hands in the air and closed their eyes when they sung - how weird! Nobody talked to me, even when she left me to go sing on the stage. I sat by myself and pretended to send texts on my phone so I wouldn't look like the loser I felt I was. I nearly left in tears - why did I think these people would value me, how could these people value me? Why would they? But my friend took me home to her place afterwards, where she lived with the pastor and his wife. His wife sat me down and asked me to open my heart to Jesus. She asked me to ask for His help to let go of all the anger and the bitterness and the offence, all the hurt and the sadness and the grudges, all of the old ideas and misguided sense of self worth and the terrible terrible pain.

And I did. It took hours, quite a few hours, but I did. And my beautiful friend and this lovely lady sat with me and prayed with me and introduced me to Jesus. And he healed me too. And now I'm more whole and more complete than I ever thought I could be.

So now I know that it's not what anyone else thinks of me that matters - because God loves me. He rescued me because he delighted in me. He formed me in my mothers womb, and named me before I was even born. He orders my steps, and hems me in behind and before. He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me. I was created in his image, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

3 years ago to this day, I was truly born again. 3 years new! Praise God. Every day I thank him for my life, but I also let him know that I am truly, truly grateful that he gave me my life back again: because when even I didn't value my life, he always did.

Glorious day!

It's my birthday today! I love birthdays - have I mentioned that yet? Especially mine ;-) I like being treated like a princess every day really, but it's only one day a year when I actually demand it. (Ex boyfriends opinions may differ on that point) (but that's why they're ex!!)

Today started off beautifully.
Thank you so much to everyone who phoned, messaged, emailed, posted and loved. You are all so special! I felt so loved today!

Check out my desk at work today.

Glory!

See the detail on the posters - these made me laugh all day long!

BIRTHDAY GLORY!!

It's my birthday on Monday!!

I don't really have anything more to say than that - but it's so exciting that I felt it deserved a whole post. (I love birthdays!)

Please note my (ahem) wish list on the right... should you feel like celebrating my birthday with me... ;-)

Andrew showing a remarkable lack of concern at my impending birthday....

When novelty shaped is not so novel

Let me start this post by declaring that I have never been to a hens party before. Or a baby shower. Or a kitchen tea. So far I've successfully managed to avoid them. I nearly, NEARLY made it to my sister Michelle's baby shower a while ago, and I really wanted to go to that one but had conference on and couldn't actually make it even though I wanted to. But on the whole - I've been happy not going.

I don't like organised games at parties. I don't like people being humiliated at parties - why does this always seem to have to happen at hens nights?? When I used to go out a lot, so often we would see girls who were out on their hens nights and they would be wearing stupid things like veils with tampons and condoms hanging off them, underwear over the top of their clothes, stupid make up all over their faces, fluffy handcuffs or vibrators round their necks... I totally fail to understand how this could make a good night, or what significance this has at all to someone's impending wedding.

Does a party need to be tasteless and crude to be fun? Am I perhaps just a prude? Should I consider it desirable to go out with condoms stapled to a fake veil and a fluro lacy g-string on over my trousers??

Well anyway, I went to my friend Manda's hens party up in Newcastle on Fri night. Manda is a total champ and I absolutely love her to bits. She's a lovely Christian girl who I was with when I was saved. We started out the night with a pole dancing lesson - which I had expected to be a bit dodgy, but actually I really enjoyed! It was a lot of fun. When we walked in there was a big shelf full of slut shoes, which we all laughed at - and then laughed even harder when we found out that we were supposed to put them on!

They even had the catalog there in case you wanted to buy your own classy shoes!

I found some pink ones - they made me about a head taller, and when I walked I wobbled around like a weather vane. I used to really like those shoes - you know the ones with clear plastic straps, and clear pastic platforms - until one day someone told me that they were slut shoes, and that's what all the girls in Ralph and Playboy etc wore in their photo shoots! Not so classy at all :-)

Can hardly walk.... however can pose classily with shoes....

Some of the poles were fixed, and some of them spun. The fixed ones were hard to spin on, but the spinning ones - I kept getting too much momentum up and ended up spinning round and round uncontrollably until I managed to launch myself off and collapse in a heap of hotpants and pink plastic shoes! My legs are so bruised today!

This move responsible for several large bruises

Building up an astonishing amount of momentum!

The instructor was this tiny tiny little girl, who gave us a demonstration at the end of what you can do after you've been training for years. She was all over that pole like a monkey! Pretty acrobatic - but still mostly g-rated.

There was one point where she was suspended entirely by her armpit. This was pretty impressive - but we couldn't help but wonder how many times she'd fallen off trying to perfect that move! She said she has a pole at home, and makes up the moves herself. We all tried to pretend not to be impressed by this (but secretly we were).

Newcastle's version of the Pussycat Dolls ;-)

Everyone had a really good time - Manda especially!

The second party of the party - which I expected would be the actual fun part, was a party at a friends place (absolutely stunningly beautiful apartment!) with all the girls. Omg, I can hardly describe how I felt. There were, hmmm how should I word this? 'Novelty shaped' items everywhere. (Don't make me say the p-word out here in public on my blog!) Novelty shaped chocolates, pin the 'novelty shape' on the Brad Pitt, novelty shaped drink holders, even novelty shaped chocolate cakes! I thought I'd play it safe and have some of the pretty pink non-alcoholic punch - but no, there were novelty shaped ice cubes floating around in there too.

Am I a prude? Am I a snob? I was totally out of my comfort zone, but nobody else even batted an eyelid. I was so uncomfortable that I stayed for 30 mins exactly and then left, fled down to the Central Coast to my mum's place, which was decidedly and blessedly novelty shape free.

Ah well, at least it makes for an interesting blog. Word of warning though: to all of my girlfriends, prospective bridesmaids, sisters and acquaintances, if I see even ONE HINT of anything suggestively shaped at my hens night (albeit in the far distant future) I will immediately open up a can of whoop-ass and revoke all wedding cake privileges.

You have now been warned.

(But hello, did you check out the naughty glory of these shoes???!)

(You can tell from that smile that I've fallen in love!!)