Shoes, and how they aren't always your friends.

I love pretty shoes. Anyone who knows me will be nodding their head and smiling right now - it's fairly widely acknowledged, I love pretty shoes. And, the thing is, they don't even have to be comfortable, as long as they are pretty. I can make a lot of sacrifices for an exquisite pair of shoes. (Cast your mind back to my NYE post and me sprinting down the main street of Newcastle in death-defying cork platforms) But last week I really think I reached my limit. I've always loved shoes, but I think I finally reached a point where those darn shoes didnt love me back. In fact, they were openly hostile. The little buggers.

Let me start properly.

So when I was working at CPW I needed some 'corporate' shoes. And as any girl worth her power-dressing salt will tell you, for a girl, corporate means pointy. I was on a bit of a budget, so I went to Marks & Spencer. (Don't judge me, they actually have great shoes there!) I got some beautiful, beautiful black shoes. Pointy, high, a cute little silver buckle - everything I was looking for and at the perfect price. Alright, so they were a little high, and maybe my toes were a little squashed, but they looked great with a skirt, fab with trousers, they dressed up jeans, went perfectly with my work clothes, matched my new TK Maxx handbag - so what were a few blisters or sore toes? You mainly sit down at your desk all day at work anyway, so what's the problem?

Well, yes, until one day I wore them all day to a friends wedding, had to stand up all day and came home with two toes totally numb. That was in August last year and there are still spots on those toes with no feeling. No, I'm no kidding!

But focus people FOCUS! The important thing was that those shoes looked great on me! So when I started my new job last month, what do you think I had to wear? No question really. I wore the beautiful black M&S pointers. Which was fine! It was just fine... until... (you knew it was coming right? I'm no good at building suspense) last Wednesday. So it was the day before my first paycheck went into the bank, and I was broke. I had $4 on me, which was enough for me to get home from work that day, and get to work the next day, after which I would be able to get money out as I would be filthy rich after the first paycheck (it always feels like that doesn't it?!).

But, for several not very interesting reasons, I missed the bus. And there wasn't any more buses going back to my house. Don't start me on the stupidity of Sydney public transport - let's just smile and shake our heads and accept the fact that there weren't any more buses going in that direction, and move on. So I could have gotten a bus to Chatswood train station, and then the train from Chatswood to Lindfield, which would have been at least 4 times longer but still would have gotten me there - BUT there was not enough money for those sort of public transport shenanigans. There was not enough battery on my phone to call Shelley and ask her to pick me up so the only choice remained: to walk. It only took 10 minutes to drive, surely it couldn't be that long to walk?

(F/X: dramatic chord) FAMOUS LAST WORDS!!

Before I had even been walking for 5 minutes my feet were hurting. Luckily those two toes were already blessedly numb, but there were still another 8 un-numb toes shouting at me that this was not a good plan and they wanted out of these stupid shoes and into a foot spa. I had to cross a huge intersection, and somehow ended up on the side of the road that had no path. So I'm stumbling along in business attire by the side of the road, my heels are sinking into the dirt at every step, my shoes are filling with dirt and other irritants, it's so cursedly hot and my hair is going everywhere and I'm sweating bucketloads... yeah, not real glam!

I then had to walk down a road called Lady Game Drive, which, when you're driving, is a really nice drive. There's a big rock face on one side, and a pretty drop on the other side, looking out over a huge bush reserve. But when you're actually walking down it, all of a sudden you notice that there actually isn't much space either between the road and the rock face, or the road and the scarily steep drop down to the reserve. And so the adventure began. I was making the most of wherever I found a bit of a space, practically spreadeagling myself against the rock while the cars went past, checking to see if there were any more cars coming, scuttling out onto the road and doing a very strange cross between a power walk and a hobble along to the next clear spot, etc. etc. Picture this continuing for an hour and a half. Yes, you read that right - an HOUR AND A HALF. Let me tell you, I had some interesting conversations with God during that time. Mostly along the lines of "Oh God please don't let me die, Almighty Lord please don't let a car hit me, Oh Heavenly Father please make my feet stop hurting, Lord Jesus please let this be over soon..."

And the shoes? Well, the shoes. To say that my feet were hurting would be the understatement of the year. They were baking, they were burning, they were blistering, they were bleeding. The little rubber stoppers on the heels wore off or fell off, so the heels were now just little metal spikes, which provide NO shock resistance, jarred my ankles with every step, and kept sinking into the dirt which slowed me down and made my calves hurt even more. My toes were jammed down into the wicked little pointy front bit. The stones and dirt that had gotten into the shoes were grinding into my feet at every step.

When I got home (still alive PRAISE GOD) the first thing I did was take those shoes off and THROW THEM AWAY. The ungrateful little blighters! I'd loved them! Taken photos of them! Defended them to others! Encouraged others to go buy them! And this is how they repaid me? Almost crippling me? Well, I exclaimed, THAT'S IT!! ENOUGH!! NO MORE!! Nobody makes a sucker out of ME twice!! No more hurty shoes! They have absolutely no loyalty! They just take and take and take! They might look good but behind that beautiful pointy exterior lies a world of PAIN! And MISERY! And BLISTERS! BLISTERS DAMMIT!!

And so I wore my slippers to work for the rest of the week.