Love, and other catastrophes'.
So when do you draw a line and when do you not? I'm having issues with a particular person, and they're old issues, but they're not going away, as much as I try to grow past it I just haven't so far. I know that being a Christian is about reflecting Gods love on the world. I've been given a big second chance, having my sins forgiven by God and starting again as a new creation. Not everyone has that chance (although it's there for anyone who wants it!) and not everyone makes the decision to remake themselves either.
So here's an interesting thing now - in church our big focus is on becoming bigger people. Sanding off your rough edges and becoming smoother. Being a better leader, serving your own leaders better, becoming easier to be around, becoming someone people want to be around, learning about how to focus on other people and not on yourself, learning about how much God loves us - and catching that love and loving other people so much too. But (and here's my point) people who aren't in church don't have this regular and continuedfocus on self-improvement. Sure there are self-help books you can read - but you don't have any purpose behind change other than wanting to. And the problem as I see it, is that a lot of times you don't actually know what it is about yourself that needs changing. Also you don't feel the need to change it, because it can easily be perceived as "Well, if people have a problem with me they can get over it!"
What I love about church, and my church in particular (I've never been to any other church, so maybe they are all like this, I don't know) is that there is a focus on commitment to growing each other and growing closer to God. Think about when you would usually change your behaviour - it's usually to please or impress a loved one. Well I love God, with all all all my heart, and I want to do whatever makes Him happy. And I have His word in the bible which shows behaviours that I can pattern, lessons I can follow, people I can learn from. I know the direction I need to take.
I posted once before about praying about my faults, and asking God to help me improve them. I still have that list and I still work on it. I'm lucky to have friends who call me out on my behaviour when it's getting bad, or weird. (You know who you are!) Friends who I respect and love, and whose opinion means a great deal to me. I also know that it's my responsibility to talk to them about things I'm having trouble dealing with, or behaviours of mine that I need accountability on, and get them to help me work through it.
So where is that accountability for non-Christians? Where is that drive to make themselves better people, and more accommodating to others? Don't get mad - I know that was a very generalised statement and I don't stand by it. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm having these same old issues with this person, and I've told them MANY times how they could perhaps, maybe, possibly try acting a little differently towards me, but they don't. And it's frustrating me! If you know that your behaviour is annoying someone, or hurting someone - don't you make an effort to change it? Why wouldn't you change your behaviour?
I can certainly trying to take a lesson away from this though. Am I being hypocritical? Do I change my behaviour when I see it hurting other people? Or do I think to myself "That's just something they need to get over!"? Yep, I'm guilty of that! And I also know that the point of loving someone isn't that they love you back - because love needs to be selfless and string-free. Love isn't a bargain, ie: you be nice to me and then I'll love you. Love is just total acceptance of a person , and saying "I'm going to love you no matter what."
(But if someone isn't being nice to you, you don't have to keep hanging around that person.) (In fact, maybe it's easier to love some people when you don't see them very often!)
4 comments:
Clovergirl,
I am from the USA, was born but not raised Catholic, and I guess you could say that I non practicing, therefore non-Christian.
I happened to randomly chance across your blog and read this post. As a "Non-Christian" I sort of take exception to the generalities. Whether or not you change a behavior that is hurting or causing discomfort to a person is not a function of a person's Christianity. It's human nature. Some people, including Christians, just don't have the ability to acknowledge negative feedback, or deny that they could be doing something to hurt a loved one or a friend.
Changing one's personality isn't easy. I'll grant, if you're a God fearing believer that may be one more incentive that a non Christian doesn't have. However, change is always accomplished through self motivation and personal desire. People don't change because you want them to, they change because they want to.
I do hope that you find the solution you are looking for with your friend.
Good luck!
Thanks for the feedback Lee, but unless my post came out differently than I thought it did, I think you might have missed my point.
I did actually say "I know that was a very generalised statement and I don't stand by it" and I do realise that Christians don't have a trademark on self-growth. My point was more that our church provides an arena and a focus for self-growth, whereas people who don't go to church (or whose church doesn't focus on self-growth) don't have this arena or regular focus.
Perhaps I did...It was quite early here when I commented.
Hey Clover!
You know you're right, sometimes it is easier to love someone when you don't see much of them, but the truth is no one ever grows when they're too comfortable. Remember that 'iron sharpens iron' and I never did think that the whole sharpening process sounded very comfortable. At all. Like you say though, love is a choice, not a feeling, and that's the part we struggle with, choosing to love someone we don't necessarily like.
Seriously though, just keep being the bigger person, even if you don't see any fruit from it, eventually something will hit home.
PS- I love all the new posts- have missed catching up on all that's been happening in Cloverland!
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