Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

I keep an eye on this every year, and this years entries have just gotten better again!

Since 1982 the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels. The contest was the brainchild (or Rosemary's baby) of Professor Scott Rice, whose graduate school excavations unearthed the source of the line "It was a dark and stormy night." Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Conscripted numerous times to be a judge in writing contests that were, in effect, bad writing contests but with prolix, overlong, and generally lengthy submissions, he struck upon the idea of holding a competition that would be honest and -- best of all -- invite brief entries. Furthermore, it had the ancillary advantage of one day allowing him to write about himself in the third person.

This years winner:
Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.
Jim Guigli Carmichael, CA

Winner: Children's Literature
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe who had so much equity (because our story, dear children, is set in Miami's hot real estate market) that she upgraded the exterior to blue suede siding as a tribute to her idol, Elvis, moved her kids to a bootee out back, and then reopened the place as the "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" motel (but you'll have to wait until you're 18 to read any further).
Barbara BridgesSierra Madre, CA

Dishonourable Mention: (and my favourite!)
Christmas Eve fell upon the piazza, and the pealing, the tintinnabulous pealing, (perhaps not a pealing but an incessant tinkling, albeit an appealing incessant tinkling) of the street performers reached my ears, masking the shot, which would have rung out had not the tintinnabulations raised such an incessant tinkling that the sound died as dead as the musician who fell like Christmas Eve at my feet - his bell having been rung.
Ben RossLexington, NC

Definitely worth a look. The above blurb about Scott Rice also raises a great idea for a game that I heard about a while ago - referring to yourself in the third person! It's great. Might sound easy, but actually it's harder than you think! Every now and then Amy gives it a shot and ends up feeling a bit silly, but she perseveres and finds that it's fun in the end :-) Amy dares everyone to try it for themselves! Amy bets nobody could last a full hour, though she'd like to hear stories from anyone who does!