The oldest jokes ever

I work in customer service. I've worked in customer service for years and years - I love it, I'll be in customer service for the rest of my life! I love being able to help people with problems, give them answers to questions, and I even love the grouchy customers. I like the challenge of being able to help them out too and maybe even make their cranky little day a bit smilier :-)

But the one thing that really makes me weary? The jokes, the lame jokes people, they have to stop.

If a customer service person asks you a question? Just answer it, don't try to be funny, chances are they've heard it a hundred times before and didn't even laugh the first time.

I'll list a few of the (MANY) examples, just so you can strike them out of your repetoire...

Me, at the end of the call: "Is there anything else I can help with?"
Customer: "Well, not unless you have next week's lotto numbers...!!!"
Me: "Ahahah."
(This is entirely not funny.)

Me, while working on a pie counter: "Would you like sauce with that?"
Customer: "Don't you think I'm saucy enough??!"
Me: "Ahahah."
(This is not clever at all.)

Customer: "I need help with my mobile account/mobile bill/mobile phone"
Me, while working for a mobile phone company: "May I have your mobile number?"
Customer: "Oh.... I don't remember it... well, I don't phone myself do I??!!!"
Me: "Ahahah."
(You probably don't write to yourself either but I bet you know your address)

Me, while working in a call centre: "Welcome to C0mmonwealth Bank/Testra Shop/B@rd Australia, this is Amy, how may I help you?"
Customer: "What? What do you mean? How did I get through to AAMI? I called the bank!"
Me: "Ahahah."
(This is taking stupid to a whole new level)

So now here's my plea: have your details ready; know your account number; tell me quickly but clearly what the problem is so I know how to direct your call or help you - I don't need your life story first; don't shout at me that you spoke to someone else and they were rude to you - odds are I'll side with my colleague and immediately judge you as a tosser; be polite - it will probably get you further; speak clearly; don't ask me if I can 'do you a deal' on a price - because that's likely to make me try my hardest to put the price up; don't make rascist remarks while on the phone to me (the number of people who say 'Thank God you're not Indian!' used to PERPLEX me); don't talk over me; don't ask me a question and then not listen to the answer; when I say my name at the start of the call write it down - there's nothing more annoying than someone calling back and saying 'I don't remember who I spoke to, it was some girl' and I have to say 'Er.. that was me remember??'; if I don't know the answer I'll find out for you so DON'T JUMP DOWN MY THROAT STRAIGHT AWAY!

Right - so got that?

Good, now you're equipped to call me ;-)