What are you hiding behind?

A few weeks ago at church, I met a lady with her face painted. She was maybe in her late 30's, with a big glittery heart painted on one cheek, and a sparkly star on the other. She had a little child with her, and at first I thought the child must have been painted as well, but when I glanced down I saw that his face was paint free.

"How funny is that?" I thought to myself, and noticed that nobody around me made any reference to the face paint, or smiled or laughed or even commented to each other, let alone to the lady. I thought that they were all very good for not saying anything, or joking about her. Privately I thought to ymself that she must be a bit weird.

I had a quick chat to her later in the night, not mentioning the face paint (although it was hard!) but just asking her what she was up to in the evening. She told me she was there for the SAFE course. Feeling like a bit of a dill, I didn't really know what else to ask her, and she made a hasty escape from me as soon as my attention was focussed elsewhere.

I felt really bad for judging her initially, and wondered if she was perhaps using the sparkly facepaint to try to cheer herself up. Maybe she'd had a sad life? Maybe she needed a bit of colour and glitter to like herself when she looked in the mirror? Was that so bad? I shouldn't be judging her, I should be feeling sorry for her.

Actually it took a while for me to realise that this was entirely the wrong thing as well. Who am I to judge someone else? I do exactly the same thing myself! I have lots of sparkly glittery props to cheer myself up when I'm feeling down. I don't even feel like I'm properly dressed without a sparkly accessory on. I actually have a policy of having at least 1 'special' thing on a day. Something fancy and beautiful that makes me smile when I look at it. I don't like to save things just for special occasions.



Left: not one, but TWO pink flowers for my hair. Not just reserved for special occasions - why save glam for once in a while?
Middle: glitter earrings, sent to me by Mandy, the perfect amount of sparkle
Right: the bargain basement beads - guaranteed to draw compliments, but also double as a beautiful wall decoration.




Left: my Wonder Woman wrist cuffs (wearing one generally cheers me up, but when I had a break up last year I needed 2 to feel equipped to face the day!)
Middle: I bought this for 1 pound, I love the sparkles but alsoI think I love it because it was such a bargain. I gesture with my right hand A LOT when wearing this ring!
Right: The bright red hair - yes it's back!




The glitter shoes, they make me feel special!

So that's it really isn't it - maybe I don't feel like I'm special enough by myself without having a bit of extra sparkle? So does this mean I'm a attention seeker? A bit of a glitter floozy? Does it mean I don't value myself unless I have something fancy on me?

A while ago I was going through a very low self esteem phase, and I kept getting random compliments from strangers - I love how God looks after me like this. I recall having a very specific tantrum with God while putting my old boots on one day and standing up and addressing him loudly saying "God this is TOO MUCH that I still have to wear these stupid old boots! I deserve some pretty new boots! I want some new boots! Lord, I need some new boots!" I left the house and on the way to the tube station, some random middle aged man with his wife stopped me in the middle of the road and said "Hey, those are great boots!" and then kept walking. How funny is that?

I used to get random people in Leicester Square whispering - "Great hair" to me, little old ladies would tell me "You have a beautiful smile!", young children would say "You're really pretty!" I once had a guy from a building site (and you know how crude they usually are?) call out to me: "Oi! That's a great outfit!" I love how God chooses to build me up through random people!

Walking home from work shortly before I left London I remembered allt hese funny things that used to happen, and I advised God (just quietly) that even though I was pretty okay self-esteem wise, it would be nice if I could get just one more random compliment every now and then. God does fast work :-) Not 10 seconds after I had prayed that, while running across a cross street, a van pulled up to let me pass and then the man called out "You've got a lovely smile love!" and his young son gave me a thumbs up!

Nice work God :-) Who says that London is a lonely city? If God wants to look after you, then you definitely feel the love. I'm going to try to stop hiding behind the sparkle and remember that God loves me just the way he made me.